Looking sharp
What a gentleman can learn from the order of things
... a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife ...
Genesis 2:24
As iron sharpens iron,
so a man sharpens the countenance of his friend.
Proverbs 27:17
Dear Reader,
We live in a world where we are expected not to notice that different things are different. This does not work, principally for the prima facia folly of misidentifying things; for the hubris of presuming to be able to alter things over which we have no power or authority; but most of all for the certain disaster of expecting things to work together in ways that they cannot.
A glaring example is a man unprepared to be a husband. Motivated though he may be to take up the role, he is in for a long slog of disappointment, his wife-to-be all the more.
The source of a man’s proper role
The sketch from Genesis quoted above is clue enough to begin. If a man is to leave his parents, then his parents are to be relieved of further duty, which can only mean that they had a duty in the first place. As there are two of them — and they are different — they will be differently responsible. Clearly what it means to be a man, and how a man should act, is his father’s to teach. How the father stands up to the world, how he loves his children’s mother, and how he models strength and confidence will make all the difference to his developing son(s).
By the second quote, the words of Solomon the Wise, we see that a man needs other men against which to gauge his thinking and behavior. This does not mean that a man alone cannot be a man. But it does mean that any correction from his friend is only meaningful if his friend is not a woman.
I know, I know, this may be hard to hear, Dear Reader. But a flower cannot sharpen iron. It will be bruised, and wilt. Gold cannot sharpen iron. It will leave a bit of itself, injured and marred, to no avail. And a diamond cannot sharpen iron, either. It will scratch and mar the iron, leaving its mark, bold, strong and determined, but again to no avail. No, only iron can sharpen iron.
What the world expects
Everywhere we look, and by what we most often hear, there is precious little patience for a weak man. Society has no place for him. We may even say that it is aghast, making no pretense to assist or fix him, except to cordon him off and exclude him.
What are the expressions we hear? “Man up.” “Get a grip.” “Don’t be a sissy” (or something stronger). Even “mama’s boy”, a reference to his first and most formative relationship, is used against him, a withering accusation of deficiency.
A man is expected to be a pillar, productive and capable. That is why his role as husband, while broad enough to allow adaptations of style and division of labor, is nonetheless fit only for someone ready and willing to be engine, undergirding, leader — and should Heaven grant it, sire and protector of offspring. He is to be watchman and keeper. Stability rests on his shoulders.
How a man stands
A man is a unit. His wife does not complete him; she augments him. She is his partner, his co-laborer. She is not his builder.
Why would a woman want another woman? And why would a man want to be a woman? They are different, and therefore complementary. Each can do what the other cannot.
With that in mind, gentlemen, I challenge you to be strong and courageous. Focus your energy on those who need you. Let that satisfy your craving for significance. Look to your buddies (and your elders) for course-correction. And let the models from Scripture guide you, too, both the noble and the less so. Emulate the wise, and learn from others’ mistakes.
Be a man: strong, kind, well-defined and bold. You can do this. Look sharp!
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PS An encouraging song in this vein is “Iron sharpens iron” by Glad, Myrrh Records, 1980. Scripture quotes are from the NKJV.